chickenstab:

halloween’s coming early on tumblr

(via nasterbate)

HOW TO COOK THE CORRECT AMOUNT OF PASTA:

sarcastic-sanity:

1. Pour out how much you think you need.

2. Wrong.

(via olitwist)

"Every girl is expected to have Caucasian blue eyes, full Spanish lips, a classic button nose, hairless Asian skin with a California tan, a Jamaican dance hall ass, long Swedish legs, small Japanese feet, the abs of a lesbian gym owner, the hips of a nine-year-old boy, the arms of Michelle Obama and doll tits. This is why everyone is struggling."

- Tina Fey (via recoverfromedmemes)

(via alalou)

departured:

I think the weirdest thing is that the person you’re going to marry and spend the rest of your life together with is currently walking the earth, living their own life, going to school or going to work or whatever, doing all these things and making all these memories that you’ll get to hear about from them years from now.

(Source: departured, via blondes-have-more-fuunn)

cupsong:

being australian is saying you have a sore throat and knowing someone will make a joke about gobbies

(Source: prejaculate, via unstrong)

"HAKUNA MA’VODKA"

- it means no memories, for the rest of the night. (via jarpad)

(Source: xxxl0veleenxxx, via winwinsituasian)